Good on you Tracey 🙂

Roy, thank you for your candour and for sharing, lovely to hear that and I value your contribution.

Tracey, this is a common misconception that you mention here, something lots of people think – that by forgiving, you are somehow making what the other person did (ie. a perpetrator) all ok.

This is not the case. Forgiveness does not have to be anything to do with the other person at all. If you choose not to forgive, the pain, frustration and hurt stays with you. You suffer further. If anything you have a moral obligation to yourself to forgive, in order that you can stop the actions of another (for example) from having any further impact upon you.

Forgiveness is about you, about letting go and about not choosing to keep hanging onto things that are not healthy for you.

It is not easy, not at all. I have experienced much ambivalence with regard to this over the years, but the only way to let go of the pain at times, is to forgive.

You do not have to tell the other person, it is about you, not them. You are not making their actions or deeds ok, not at all. You are simply letting go of what you no longer need.

Hope that helps give some clarity 🙂

Forgiving.

What a word eh?

I think more than forgiving others, forgiving ourselves is probably a bit harder than one would think (even though we are biased).

I’ve found myself beating myself up for the crap of the past, things I’ve done wrong and felt that it was because of those things I cannot step up and be the shine that I am supposed to be. As if I don’t deserve it.

Then I wondered, what are they doing for me? Why am I holding on to the past? And slowly I realized one has nothing to do with today, past behaviors are not new behaviors and they don’t make me. My choice to shine today has nothing to do with my past.

Matter of fact, the past is now an opportunity to learn from and heck, share a story with others (who doesn’t like a good story?).

And when I forgave myself, and realized I am now and not there, I am shining.

Hi Sara,

There are some things you can do, such as giving direct suggestions of forgiveness in your preferred mode of language… Or you could imaginae embracing yourself in a way that infers forgiveness within a self-hypnosis session.

To use the process I wrote about a couple of days ago… You can go through the ties that bind technique…

Once these six simple steps are completed, you open yourself to well-being and harmony and allow them to come flooding in.

Cutting the ties that bind you: How to mentally forgive everyone you are out of harmony with:

Step One: Enter self-hypnosis.

Step Two: Once you are in that nice state, imagine yourself in a favourite place – ideally outdoors. Become aware of the sights and colours around you, listen in to the sounds and feel how it feels to be in this safe, secure, favourite place.

Take some time to really develop this in your mind and with all your senses.

Step three: Think about someone that you believe you need to forgive. That forgiving them is going to be letting go of so many old, unwanted feelings that you don’t want to be carrying around with you any more. However bad they may have been to you, think about how good it will be to be free of the feelings you have been harbouring about them. Notice the feelings that you have when you think of them. Notice the way your body feels. Tune in to your feelings and signal your intentions to yourself.

Step Four: Imagine that you have a cord of some kind attached to your waist that ties you to all the negative feelings you are holding on to with regards to this person. Imagine each negative feeling or thought as a physical thing; you can create symbolic, physical things attached to the cord that represents those feelings and thoughts. Really imagine yourself as being connected to them, even feel the way that they pull on you and weigh on you.

Step Five: Now here’s the fun…Find some scissors or some shears or a sword (ahem… clicking into Lord of the Rings mode yet again today) or just use your mind to cut the ties and watch each of the elements disappear into nothingness. Watch them float further and further away from you, getting smaller and smaller. Notice how much lighter you feel as you let go and release them. Feel the feelings dissipate from deep within you. Let go of some nice, deep breaths too, even have a few nice sighs as you let go.

As you let go of each element, tell that person in your mind that you forgive them. Mean it, really mean it, put your heart into it and let go. Tell them that you forgive them, to make it even more powerful, say it out loud.

Step Six: Think about how you are going to be different this very day as a result of letting go of that and be open to something good coming your way very soon. Then just open your eyes and choose to take some action that is the action of some that has just let go of something they didn’t need any longer.

I even recommend that you consider writing a letter – write a letter to the individual that you believe it is beneficial to forgive. You don’t have to actually send it to them of course, just get it in writing and exorcise those feelings.

If it is yourself that you are forgiving, you can use the same process here, with regards to the specific thing that you need to forgive yourself for, be aware of the negative aspects that you need to cut the ties to and let go of and then go ahead and do that. If you have ever accused yourself of failure or mistakes then be sure to forgive yourself as soon as possible.

Now you may want to ask for forgiveness from some one. Firstly, admitting to yourself that you are willing to do so is half way there. You may want to include mentally asking for forgiveness from the people you have wronged in the past, spread bad feelings toward, or are involved in legal wrangles or other disharmony with. Within step five of the above process, you do the same thing, but when you let go of the negative aspects that you were previously holding on to, instead of stating that you forgive them, you ask for their forgiveness.

Hope that helps give you some initial ideas 🙂

Thanks Keith.

I was going to mention the time you did forgive me for deleting my entire old blog with years of entries in it… I felt so bad about that!

🙂

They’ll have you on the radio spot ‘Thought For The Day’ soon 🙂